RELATIONSHIP CHICKEN

Have you ever been in a relationship you knew had run its course but you were waiting on the other person to leave first? Or maybe you both knew it was time to quit but you just kept postponing it?

I remember a couple who had been together 9yrs, both had made up their minds that this relationship was never gonna work, they knew they didn’t want to spend their lives with the other person (and this wasn’t because the other person was mean, it just wasn’t right) they kept dropping hints for a whole year hoping the other person will get the hint and leave. It’s been a year now and they haven’t officially broken things off, how interesting.

If you think that story wasn’t clear enough, here’s another;

A close friend has been on an off-again-on-again relationship with her high school sweetheart, for most of their relationship they were apart so they learnt to lead separate lives. The girl feels she’s a different person from when they met and she needs to leave the relationship but she feels she will hurt the boy’s feelings so, what does she do? She starts to provoke him and upset him intentionally just to get him to leave first; there’s nothing she hasn’t done, but the guy hasn’t left her yet.


There are so many examples and scenarios I could share with you but it is the same outcome, these couples are playing “Relationship Chicken” have you heard of that before? Well, I have and it even has a definition just click here to find out what urban dictionary says about it.
But here’s mine

“When a relationship has no future or next step and should ideally end but, the parties involved refuses to end it sincerely but rather resort to games and pranks to manipulate the other party to end the relationship, this couple is playing RELATIONSHIP CHICKEN.”

This kind of relationship is displayed in movies alot; my favorite is the TV series 'How i met you mother'.

WHY PEOPLE PLAY CHICKEN

I have discerned and inferred by watching relationships around me and mine (yes I said it, I played chicken) that there are five reasons why people play “chicken”

1. Consideration: when only one party wants to leave they may hesitate out of considerations for the other person’s feelings.

2. Fear: No one likes to start afresh, leaving the known for the unknown can be scary. Holding on is safe because it means you’re not alone.

3. Emotions: Because the relationship has run its course doesn’t mean you have stopped loving each other (if you were actually in love). The pain of letting go could also cause a couple to chicken-out, but it is not enough reason to stay.

4. No other option: Some wait for the next guy or girl to come along before they can leave; they don’t wanna leave one for nothing. People you aren’t changing a tires, you don’t have to wait for next person to come along.

5. Pride: I hear people say “I can’t be the one to break it off” or “I don’t wanna be the bad guy”. This is pride because the only reason for holding on is to preserve your image or in some cases to prove a point.

THE CHICKEN IS THE YARD
How do you know you are playing chicken?

1. There is no plan for the future: the focus is on leaving the relationship and not living their lives together. This couple is just going with motions.

2. Friendship is lost: you no longer spend much time together or talk to each other about little things, even making lunch plans could feel like a burden.

3. Communication is broken: conversation lacks substance, calls are sparing. This couple could go silent for weeks or months.

4. Unhappiness and frustration: no one is happy, no enthusiasm or excitement, both parties feel stuck, they can’t get out, can’t move forward or progress, they get annoyed by everything the other person says and if this goes on, frustration is bound to creep in.

5. Games and hurt: you begin hurt each other. You come up with creative ways to make the other person leave you.

Couples who play relationship chicken might feel that they are brilliant or that they are being smart but this is not true; the chicken game never ends pleasantly. Though the couple will get what they want eventually (a break up) it will come at a cost. The ‘chicken couple’ would probably never speak to each other again and they would have wasted so much time and this will make starting over with someone else harder than it would have been, so here’s my advice;

KILL THE CHICKEN

1. Have an honest conversation with your partner. This is hard but it’s the only way, really. Don’t look for reasons to leave; you might keep waiting forever. No matter what your partner says make sure you make your point about leaving and if you do…

2. Don’t just talk, end it for real! That’s right, don’t get too emotional that you makeup and continue the chicken game.

P.S.
After you’ve killed the chicken, you can now make chicken soup……… LOL