LOVE AND SACRIFICE

Every loving relationship has its costs; love isn’t love if it costs nothing! Love cost time, money, devotion, commitment and sometimes it cost us other love. Being in love is a decision to continually give up mine for ours and me for us, to put the needs of the relationship above yours___trust me, that’s a sacrifice!

What is the biggest decision you have ever made for love? Have you ever lost anything for love’s sake? What lengths are you willing to go for your relationship to thrive? What is the one thing you can’t do for love? Hmm… I wonder.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SACRIFICING?

To sacrifice is to make a decision to release, to give away or to hand over something priced, valued, expensive or bearing deep sentimental worth for the sake of something more worthy or precious. Sacrificing is never easy, it can be the difficult to accept but it is inevitable. Sacrificing in a relationship is unending.

Sacrifices can be a product of love and should be done from the place of love and devotion.

Sacrifices should be made for a cause rather than a person. When the focus of the sacrifice is about the other person we put too much pressure on them (to recognize, to appreciate and to reciprocate when we want, how we want and the way we want), we hang it over their heads forever, we remind them of the cost of the sacrifice; what we gave up, who we left behind and where should have been. This can become unbearable for anyone and can cause a rift in the relationship. A good cause to sacrifice could be to help your relationship thrive.

Sacrifice is a discovery; each person’s action reflects his level of discovery. A sacrifice may not guarantee a successful outcome in your relationship.

HOW FAR ARE YOU WILLING TO GO?

Will you do anything for love? Sure we can sing about it, write it in a love note and even say it often but, when the time comes for us to live up to it many of us shrink--- we begin to redefine the word "anything".

‘Anything’ suggests that the cost and timing of the sacrifice makes no difference. As much as I applaud the courage, I also believe that everyone has a limit; a point they can't exceed or a price they consider too steep.
For example; one may feel that giving a kidney is a little price another may not, changing a career for the one you love could seem normal to one and absurd to another.

The sacrifice is ultimately your choice!

Nobody can ideally tell you what you can or cannot sacrifice or where you should draw the line because it is and will always be your decision to make. Your sacrificial limit is self-determined; it depends on preference, personality and the dynamics of the said relationship. Identifying your limit can help you build a wholesome relationship.

THE BEAUTY OF REVENGE

We have heard sermons, read online posts, participated in discussions and conversations about the subject of forgiveness and Revenge.
We have been told that the better road is forgiveness.

The world would be a better place if we all forgave

, they say.

We have heard it all, but, we are still yet to imbibe the culture of forgiveness. Why? Because we do not want to forgive!
As diabolical as that may sound, it is absolutely true. Not everyone is willing to forgive.

When some of us are hurt, we hold on to the anger, we nurse the pain, we fertilize the displeasure until it produces seeds of bitterness, un-forgiveness, and hatred. We don’t want to forget the pain and how it felt. Because if we do, then ‘’justice’’ (as we call it) would not prevail. We want to resent the person who hurt us until we can give them a taste of what they did and how they made us feel.

Yes, we want REVENGE!!

So, how about we put a break in this ‘’forgiveness’’ talk and take a look at revenge for a second.

To revenge is simply to retaliate or payback.
Revenge is personal. It is not about justice, but evening scores. Revenge has no line, no rules; it drives you to hurt the person until you feel satisfied or until you are satisfied by their suffering.
Revenge doesn’t only imply physical hurt or visible damage, it could be psychological, or emotional torture.


IF FORGIVENESS IS OVER-RATED, TRY REVENGE

Irrespective of the perspective of the world about revenge, there are reasons why people want it and desire it.
 Revenge gives you the pleasure of seeing the other person suffer for what they have done. This satisfaction is tempting and it is what we seek first when we are hurt.
 Revenge proves to the person who hurt you, that you are powerful and not to be trifled (played) with.
 In some cases, revenge gives you a cause and a sense of purpose especially when the revenge is not immediate but plotted in advance.
 It gives the illusion of power over the person. You feel like you know how to get them, you are waiting for when to get them, you will come at them when they least expect it.
 Revenge is easier. Honestly, revenge costs less in the immediate. It is easier to pay-back; it is not as time consuming because it is a natural response.
 When you have finally revenged, it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder.


WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT REVENGE
 Though, it is cheaper in the immediate, it is destructive in the end.

 The time spent in plotting revenge steals the future from you.
While you are chasing the fulfillment of your purpose of revenge, you are probably over looking what happens after it is done.

 Revenge is a part of your character
If you are a person that seeks revenge, it is not because you were hurt, but because it has always been who you are. You retaliate even for little things. Someone hits you, and you hit back, someone talks behind your back and you do the same. It did not happen in a day; you meditated upon it, until it became you.

 You hurt people also
We are humans and that means we are not infallible. You will hurt or offend someone else and they would seek revenge for their pain too. It is the law of nature. What you sow, you will SURELY reap.

 Revenge is a jail house
All the while, you had been a prisoner of hurt, pain, anger, and bitterness and the funny thing is that you are the jailer. Un-forgiveness keeps you unhappy.
You are the only one remembering, plotting, and re-living the pain and the other person is living their lives free. You are burdened, he/she is not.
Sometimes, the offender doesn’t even remember what he or she has done anyway, isn’t it sad? Meanwhile, you are stuck in the rage; you can’t see the sun, incarcerated, no freedom, no home - an outcast.

 Revenge is never as good as you imagined.
It amazes me when I see movies of someone who sought revenge and was free, happy, and fulfilled in the end. That is a huge lie!
There’s a feeling you get once you have done what you dreamed. It can be likened to a mirage, it feels like you are fulfilled, but truly you aren’t. At first a burden is lifted or so you think. Shortly, you’ll feel empty inside. You’d mostly like say “I thought I would feel much better’’ but I don’t. You got what you wanted, so why aren’t you happy and fulfilled?

 Revenge is not justice.
Justice implies the person was punished to the lawful proportion of the crime, but that never happens with revenge. Revenge is personal and emotional and these are factors that affect rationalism and good judgment. When seeking revenge, you will surely cross the ‘’just’’ line, this is because it is based on your satisfaction.

 Revenge has its consequences. No one can take law into their hands and come out of it unhurt.


REVENGE OR NOT?
This is a decision for you to make. Revenge is enticing but destructive. The opposite however is difficult but fulfilling and redeeming.
When you choose to forgive, you choose not to give your power away. You choose to reclaim the power that someone has over you.
At the end of the day, revenge is not the best or only solution; it is the weakest and easiest way to go.
Forgiveness however difficult is a walk for the strong.

WHEN LOVE GOES WRONG........JUSTIN SPEAKS

Hello LHD readers,
There are two sides to every love story. Last month Janet shared her sad love story with us(click here if you missed it) and we promised to get the other side of the story before we can offer our advice well....We finally got a hold of Justin and he was gracious enough to share his side of the story with us. Read his story below.



I believe in Love and the ability to show love to the people around me. I took notice of Janet a few months after school resumed in March. I was in my 400 level 1st semester when we met. At first, I didn’t think that there was anything special about her, but after we exchanged phone numbers and began communicating via Whatsapp, I discovered she was a gentle, loving and easy to please person. She laughed a lot, she was always happy especially when I did her favours. After a while, I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend; at that point with a smile, she accepted.
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Getting into a relationship got us closer; my friends knew her and she knew all my friends. We also began to know a lot of things about each other. She told me how her ex-boyfriend used to hit her and, I also told her I used to have lots of girlfriends and that I still have some of them as friends. All I wanted to do was focus on my academics.

Janet knew I have more female friends than male friends and I thought she was cool with it. I help some of them out with school work and naturally care for them. I get along better with girls than with guys. I believe I am one of the best students in my department so other students come to me for help including girls.

After a while, I noticed a change in Janet’s attitude. She was always checking my phone and reading my chats. She began asking lots of questions about every girl she found around me which sometimes pissed me off. So many times, this caused an argument between us. She also developed a habit of giving me what I call ‘long speeches’ on how the other girls’ aim was to destroy our relationship, looking for something negative to say about them.

I got tired of her nagging and her demanding attitude that I began to lie to her. I tried talking to my guy friends but all they did was tease me; so, I found comfort in the arms of my other female friends that were less demanding. I continued to lie to Janet about my whereabouts. She noticed and began paying surprise visits to my place. On one of such occasion, she found me in bed with one of her classmates. She got angry and I didn’t waste time apologizing to her. I did everything to make her happy and in no time, she forgave me and our relationship continued.

Her wanting-to-know-all attitude got worse. She began to insist on following me wherever I went, I practically had no breathing space and I began to loose interest in her gradually because she was now more of a pain in the neck.
One night, she called to tell me she would be going to sleep over at a friend’s place because she had malaria and needed care. I wished her a good night and promised to check on her the following morning. I was home trying to help a female classmate of mine with a tedious school assignment that dragged on into late night. Because it was too late for her to go home, I advised her to spend the night at my place. At about 11:35 pm, I heard a knock on my door and to my utmost amazement, it was Janet. She came in and found the girl fast asleep. Janet lost control of her emotions; she hit me, called me a coward and ran out of the house into the full moon light outside. I ran after her and immediately grabbed her arm. She wept and kept saying, ‘But Justin I love you, why are you doing this to me?’ At that moment, I got confused about what love really meant.

I felt since things were not going to change any time soon, I should just let her be and so because I didn’t want to hurt her because I knew she loves me, I asked her to see other guys maybe she would release her tight grip on me.

I see nothing wrong with the idea.