Tuesday, May 3, 2016

5 THINGS THAT COULD DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP (part 1)


 
1. LIES
 

A lie is a statement contrary to a known fact, told with intent to deceive. People lie for various reasons; some lie because they feel it is safer for their relationship, some others use lies to manipulate their partner and others assume they are protecting their partner from the painful truth when in reality they are protecting themselves. 

Think about it for a moment; think about the last time you lied, why did you do it? You probably thought that if you told your partner the truth they would think of you differently, they might overreact, they might end the relationship and the classic one- they cannot handle the truth. Notice the pattern? All the reasons revolve around you and that is often selfish.

Lies affect trust which is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When a person knows or perceives he/she has been lied to, they find it difficult to believe what is said to them afterwards. Even when they have forgiven the "liar", there are still unresolved questions in their heart and the impression that their partner is a liar and cannot be trusted.

Lies hurt both the teller and the told. If you tell a lie to your partner and they find out they feel hurt and betrayed and wonder why you cannot trust them but, it doesn’t end there. Because they are struggling to trust you, they would act it out even when you are being honest and that would hurt your feelings.

Lies generally fall into two categories, lies of commission and lies of omission. So far we have been discussing lie of commission; which is basically stating something that isn’t true. The most common lie of commission is what we call ‘white lie’. Little fibs we tell to spare our partner’s feelings. Like telling him he looks great in those jeans when he doesn’t or telling her she isn’t putting on weight when she clearly is. Although most people subscribe to white lie, it is still a lie. You can still disclose a painful detail without hurting your partner; if you do so with caution, consideration and sensitivity.

Lie of omission however, is deliberately withholding necessary details or information when telling the truth also known as half-truth. It could also be avoiding a conversation or question because you do not want to lie, using “you did not ask” as a defense. Information withheld could become secrets the longer they are hidden from your partner. A half-truth can be a misrepresentation of a fact; you did not lie, you did not withhold or avoid the truth but you skipped some details. This gives your partner a different perspective of what the truth is and because you know the truth you would not correct the conclusions or misconception they derived from you misinformation.

Lies are a heavy burden for the culprit; an enormous amount of work is put in to preserve the lie and prevent the truth from coming to light. A lie naturally requires more lies to protect its authenticity.

Every relationship would do well if it is built on trust. There cannot be love without trust and lying affects that. Lying implies you don’t trust your partner enough to be open with him/her. This affects openness and vulnerability in a relationship. It takes courage to tell the truth and not everyone has that courage.

When you catch yourself telling a lie correct yourself immediately and apologize to your partner. It is better they feel disappointed by your attempt to lie than hurt and violated by the discovery of the truth.

Lying may have immediate benefits but it’s consequences in the years to come are more dangerous than the truth told today.

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