5 THINGS THAT COULD DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP (part 2)

2. SELFISHNESS

“What about me?” “What’s in it for me?” “That’s not what I want”, these are the declarations of a selfish person. Their world is made up of three creatures, Me, Myself and I.

Selfish people are consumed by their importance. They often do not notice or regard the needs of their partner. They believe that the relationship is there to attend to their needs and their partner is meant to satisfy their every desire. The relationship and their partner is a means to an end and a tool for personal gratification. A selfish partner does not realize that they are selfish and therefore telling them won’t amount to much, instead it may cause the other party pain.

Selfish partners don’t go out of their way for the benefit of their relationship if it doesn’t serve their personal goal; which could be to prove that they care or to manipulate their partner to return the favor in the future. Keep in mind that they are not aware of this.

Selfishness destroys relationships over time. It might take a while to identify but it is a sure way to end a loving relationship.

That a person is selfish doesn’t mean that they do not love or care about their partner it just means that they are self-absorbed. In their view they make compromises for their relationship and they go out of their way to meet their partner’s needs. That’s why they do not understand their partner’s complains concerning their behavior and might perceive their partner to be too demanding and inconsiderate and in most cases selfish.

Selfish people expect their partner to change their taste and preference to suit them. They demand that things go their way often. Some selfish people are control-freaks and master manipulators. They expect their partner to pay attention to their needs and wants, to understand them and proffer solutions, while they do little or nothing to reciprocate.

You often notice a selfish person mindlessly exhausting the family budget without much thought as it regards the sustenance and survival of their family thereafter. They expect that when their partner discovers their action, they should be understood and there should be no consequence whatsoever. They do not take responsibility for their actions. 

A selfish person would rarely consult their partner before making major decisions; they expect their partner to go along with whatever they decide.

Selfishness starts from self-indulgence. One who is accustomed to always saying what’s on their mind without taking into consideration the feelings of the other person. A person who does what they want, how they want, when they want, is focused only on themselves. 

Don’t expect a selfish person to suddenly change their actions (because it is part of their personality); it might require a significant experience to bring them to the reality that the world does not revolve around them.

A relationship is a partnership; both parties need to be mutually invested in its survival and success. When one party is always asking, demanding, expecting and receiving and the other party is just giving, giving and giving, the relationship ends up one sided and out of balance.

Are your thoughts filled with ‘I’ and ‘me’ rather than ‘we’? Then you are probably acting selfishly and you are hurting your partner and relationship.

If your partner is selfish, this is probably hurting you. You may not have voiced how you feel-probably because they don’t give the opportunity and you end up feeling hurt, but you cannot let them continue to put you through pain. Worse still, you shouldn’t enable their behavior because this will be detrimental to your relationship in the long run. If you are the selfish one, you need to have a serious conversation with yourself and come to terms with the effect of your behavior before you lose your partner.