4. EGO AND PRIDE
Everyone has a sense of pride and ego. It is a part of our human nature and it is beneficial as well as destructive if not effectively managed. We feel a sense of pride when we’ve accomplished something, whether we are celebrated for it or not. Ego is a sense of self-importance but this can easily become a feeling of superiority, which is negative.In this blog ego and pride will be used interchangeably because they have the same effects in any relationship.
In a relationship, pride and ego are detrimental and unhealthy. It hinders progress and the general feeling of contentment and happiness one should derive from being in a loving relationship.
A proud person sees himself (or herself) as perfect. They don’t believe they can do wrong; everything they say is right, their ideas are the best, everyone else has a problem but they do not. This makes them critical and arrogant. Don’t try to correct a proud person; they can’t hear you. They rarely take responsibility for their actions, they pass blames instead.
Ego makes a person defensive in a conversation; rather than listen to the feelings of their partner they focus on absorbing themselves of any guilt or blame. Their ego is hurt at the slightest indication that they might be anything but perfect. Pride will never let them admit that they were wrong or even apologize for their error or fault. “I’m sorry” are words rarely heard from the lips of a proud person. This doesn’t always mean that they do not think they did something wrong, they’d rather not admit it unless, apologizing, somehow makes them look like the bigger person.
Proud people feel self-sufficient; they think they don’t need anything from anyone and they don’t need anyone, if only that were true. A relationship is for interdependence; both parties relying on the each other for support, help, comfort and care. If one person decides to be completely independent of the other, the relationship fails. If one party depends completely on the other, giving nothing back, the relationship fails.
When a person’s ego is bruised they find it hard to forgive. They want to prove that they are not to be trifled with.They would definitely seek revenge-believe it. ‘If I let this person go’ they say, ‘then people will think I’m weak, I have to prove that I am not, I will teach them a lesson’. Pride is an indication of low self-esteem and a week self-image. Proud people are insecure, that’s why they are arrogant and act irrational and destructive when they feel jealous.
A relationship driven by ego will make both parties resort to playing games; no one wants to be the first to talk or call back after a couples quarrel because then they will lose and their partner will have all the power, they are both waiting on the other person to take the first step.Ego keeps people in a bad relationship; they rather suffer than let people think they failed.
The holy bible says: “Pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Ego profits nothing. It builds walls between you and your partner. While you are trying not to look weak or lose, you are isolating yourself.You might win that fight but you will lose your peace and your partner if you don’t swallow your pride. There’s a need to surrender and let love lead rather than pride. Pride says: ‘what will people think’, love says: ‘I lose so we can win’. Do you want to win only to lose love or do you want to let love win? Your choice!